


Giving up only to find hope

by serenitykid7875



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenitykid7875/pseuds/serenitykid7875
Summary: Lena goes down the rabbit hole. Giving up. But she finds hope in the one place she had seen it before. Supercorp





	Giving up only to find hope

Lena Luthor was in love, with the one person who she knew would never be able to love her, her best and only friend Kara Danvers. Of course, Lena knew that Kara was Supergirl and she didn't care. She didn't care the past that they had together. The fighting over how to handle Sam and the new threat that there was with the Russian Supergirl. But her heart broke every time that she thought about her. Lena knew that Kara didn't love her, she was in to guys, guys like Mon-El, she wasn't in to women. Lena just wanted to be loved…her whole life she was hated first for her money and then for what Lex did and then for what her mother was doing. She just wanted to feel that she belonged, was cared about, and loved. But ever since she as a little girl and living with the Luthor's she learned that she never would.

Lena was working at the office every night till way past midnight, trying to come up with a way to get rid of the new Supergirl, who seemed to be the very opposite of her Supergirl. J'onn had asked her to look in to the Harun-El, which was one of the reasons she still had a part of it, but she didn't know how to bring it up with Supergirl when the two of them seemed to always end in a fight and right now Lena didn't want to fight. She was exhausted, but she couldn't sleep. She was starving but couldn't bring herself to eat. She was stressed but she couldn't find anything to relieve it. Eve and Jess both noticed that she was working herself to death, but nothing they did could make her do anything to help.

It was the fifth day in a row where Lena had not slept; it was close to ten at night and she was at CatCo with Eve going over the next week's magazine that was going to be put out. Eve noticed that Lena kept rubbing her head, but she didn't know how to bring up to Lena that maybe she should call it a day and go home. Eve had noticed that Lena was not sleeping, the bags under her eyes were extensive and she hadn't ordered anything to eat in days when she was at CatCo. Lena was quietly looking through the document in front of her, while Eve waited for input or requests for change.

"Miss. Luthor?" Eve said hesitantly she really didn't want to get yelled at.

"Yes, Miss Teschmacher." Lena said softly.

"Umm…I don't want to speak out of place, but are you sure you don't want to call it a night? I…umm…you just look…I mean it's getting late."

"You can go home. I'll leave any notes that I have on your desk."

"Okay, but Miss. Luthor are you sure you don't want to go home too?"

"I need to finish up some things here Eve. I'll go home after. You should go home. You're right it is late."

"Yes ma'am." Eve said softly as she got up and headed for her desk. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to get Miss. Luthor to leave, even though Lena and she were the last ones there and all other lights were off. "Have a good night Miss. Luthor."

"You too Eve." Lena said as she looked up to give Eve a small smile before returning to work.

Eve was walking out of CatCo when she bumped in to Kara Danvers, Kara was looking up at the light still on in CatCo.

"Miss. Danvers." Eve said as she gathered herself.

"Eve. How are you?" Kara said, but she seemed preoccupied.

"I'm good."

"Lena's still up there?"

"Yes. I tried to convince her to go home, but she won't. Something seems off about her. She seems tired and she hasn't eaten in like forever or at least she hasn't when she's been at CatCo. Jess was saying the same thing about when she's at L-Corp when I talked to her the other day."

"You talk to Jess?"

"Please don't tell Miss. Luthor. I just worry about her, though I seem to be the only one. Mr. Olsen and Miss. Luthor were arguing a few weeks ago and now there are never in the same room as each other unless someone else is there. Mr. Olsen and you were the only ones who were able to make her go home or eat. Now you are barely here and you haven't been to visit her at L-Corp. I don't think she's slept in a few days and she's definitely hasn't eaten either. She seems to be working herself to death. Please don't tell her I've noticed or that I'm telling you this or about Jess. She's the best boss and I don't want her to get angry with me."

"I won't Eve." Kara said concerned for both Eve and Lena, but before she could head inside to see Lena she heard distant sirens going off. Was Eve right? When did she stop visiting? When was the last time she visited her? When was the last time she knew that she ate? When was the last time she stopped to listen to her heartbeat?

"I'm headed home. Please try to convince her to do the same." Eve said as she rushed off.

"I'll try." Kara said to Eve before she had to put off thinking about Lena, run off and change in to her Supergirl outfit. Then flew to the car accident where a mother and her child were stuck inside the car that was on fire, she quickly got to work.

Back at CatCo, Lena was finishing up on her notes in the magazine, she knew that Eve was just worried about her. Hell, she was worried about her. She hadn't gone this long without sleep in years until recently. The past month she'd only gotten a little over 60 hours of sleep for the whole month. She wondered when she would start hallucinating. And how long till she died of hunger, she'd only had food every couple of days and not full meals and not every breakfast, lunch and dinner were in the same day. Thinking back this had been the worst that her depression ever been, even in middle school it was controllable, but now it was out of control and Lena didn't really care. She was giving in to the thoughts in her head and there were not pretty thoughts.

Lena closed her eyes for a second, thinking about Kara and what she might be doing, but she stopped her eyes snapped open. Why was she thinking about Kara, when Kara obviously didn't care or think about her? Kara had broken her promise, she didn't believe in her nor was she there for her. Always she promised. But it had all been a lie. Kara was a Super and she was a Luthor. Why had she let herself fall for the one person she knew would never feel the same. Especially after everything that had happened between Lex and Superman, who Lena knew was Clark. Lena knew that Kara would never feel the same so why did she continue to wish for something that she knew wouldn't come true.

Lena sighed and stood up from her desk, maybe she could get some sleep tonight. Lena walked over to her bar and poured a glass of whiskey, she knew that she should go home and do this, but she didn't want to wait. She needed to drown her sorrows in liquor and pass out on her couch. Pouring the whiskey in to one of the glasses before she downed it, then another, and another before she filled it one more time and stumbled over to her couch. She felt horrible, but she deserved it. Didn't she? She was nothing but a Luthor and Luthor's hurt those around them and ended up alone. She was taught her whole life that she would be nothing and now she was.

Tears fell as Lena was finally able to get to the couch and she grabbed one of the pillows to hug, she hated feeling like Lillian was right, but right now she was. She was nothing. She wasn't cared about or loved. Lena curled up on the couch and closed her eyes, still wishing for the one thing she knew she couldn't have, Kara.

Kara was headed back to CatCo, the lights in Lena's office were still on, but she didn't see Lena. Kara thought back to the past month thinking about Lena and she too noticed that Lena looked worse and worse each day, but she hadn't said anything. She had broken her promise of always being there and believing in her. She had gotten so angry and did something that even Lillian would do when she heard that Lena had kryptonite. James had told her a few weeks ago that Lena had created it and didn't have it stored; she made sure to stay away from Lena while her anger went away. She knew that Lena only created it to help Sam and she didn't want to say anything to put more of a strain on their relationship.

And that was it there was a strain on their relationship…Lena, who had no friends and definitely no family that she wanted to hear from, was alone again in the world as she went against her mother and brother. Lena fought back against anyone who thought that she was nothing but a Luthor, but even she had treated her like she was. Lena had told her that she was her best and only friend and she had abandoned her. Kara felt sick to her stomach as she flew back to CatCo, she needed to make this right. Listening for Lena's heartbeat…she hadn't done this in a long time, since Lena had gone against Morgan and her mother and they were arrested, something wasn't right. It didn't sound the same. When had it changed? Was Lena okay?

Kara flew quicker as she approached CatCo and straight in to Lena's office, looking around for Lena her heartbeat was uneven. Kara found Lena on one of the couches, whiskey glass in hand, as she held on to a pillow. Tears were still present on her cheeks and it broke Kara's heart to see Lena like this. It was her fault. She had done this. She wasn't there for her best friend. Kara stood there for a moment listening to Lena's heartbeat it was still uneven and something didn't feel right.

"Lena?" Kara called out softly, but Lena didn't wake. "Lena?!" Nothing. Kara was worried so she took the glass out of Lena's hand setting it on the table before picking Lena up and flew to the DEO. "Alex?" Kara said over her com.

"Supergirl what's wrong?" Alex said she heard the uncertainty in Kara's voice.

"Something's wrong with Lena. I'm bringing her in."

"Okay. Med and I will be standing by."

Kara flew as quickly as she could to the DEO with a passenger, setting Lena down on the gurney as soon as she arrived.

"What happened?" Alex asked.

"I don't know. I found out from Eve that Lena's hasn't slept or eaten in like a month, so I was going to check on her, but got called away to that car accident. When I got back to CatCo to check on her, I found her holding a whiskey glass and unconscious on the couch. Her heartbeat it's uneven. Something isn't right." Kara said as she held one of Lena's hands as she explained.

"Okay. Get her hooked up to the ECG. I want to see what's going on with her heart. Take some blood and run it for toxins. Let's get her moved up to the med-bay." Alex directed as she and Kara followed Lena and the medical team up to the med-bay. "Kara when you said you don't think she's slept or eaten in a month why do you believe that?"

"Eve and Jess have been talking and when I bumped in to Eve, she said that Lena barely goes home from either place and when she's been at work she never eats. Thinking back I've noticed it too, but I didn't do anything about it. Why didn't she reach out?"

"Kara you might not want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. When's the last time that you remember you and Lena having a good conversation? When's the last time that you worried about her?" Alex asked as she and Kara stood outside the med-bay.

"Before the incident with Sam. And right before I found out that Lena had Sam."

"And ever since then have you been a good friend? Other than that one time you and she were at my apartment with ice cream for Ruby. Have you seen her outside of work? Have you tried to talk to her? Did you take what James said and put space between the two of you? Did you believe in her like you did or have you given up?"

"I haven't given up!"

"Kara, I've watched her this past month. I tried to get her to eat and I've tried to get her to sleep, but she's too stubborn and wants to prove that she is not her mother or brother. She and I have been talking more lately and do you know why?"

"No."

"Because she has no one else and Sam asked me to watch over Lena. Sam knew what happens to Lena when she goes down the rabbit hole when working on a project. Now I'm going to tell you something that you aren't going to like, but it is important. Lena has been working on Harun-El. J'onn asked her to before he left and she has been working on it for the past month. The only reason I know is because he told me. He knew that you would be against it and we decided until we know more about it, it wouldn't matter anyway."

"What do you mean 'when she does down the rabbit hole'?"

"Do you remember me in high school when I was working on that project for my science final?"

"You didn't eat or sleep. You just kept working."

"That's going down the rabbit hole. You get so caught up working on a project or a problem that you don't do the other things that you need to. Lena tends to go down the rabbit hole often, but it has been years since last had one this bad. Sam was even debating coming back to help her and pull her out. But I told her that I would help her and I have been. But Kara I can't help her out of the rabbit hole and I don't know if anyone can. She gets so intense when she's in there and when she does go home she can't escape it. Normally, Sam use to be the only one to pull her out of there, but Sam said that Lena once talked about a time when you pulled her out. And I don't even think you knew it at the time."

"I did. I remember when she was getting to deep in to trying to figure out a way for Mon-El to come back shortly after I sent him away. She was up at all hours and I practically had to force feed her. I didn't know that she did that often."

"Kara you kept her out of the rabbit hole. You, eating with her and inviting her to game night or movie night. You helped her stay out of it. I know that with all that has happened with Sam, Reign, and this new Supergirl, but she always had you until now. Kara, I know that you care about her, but you really need to think about why you are able to keep her from the rabbit hole. You need to really think about why she's always available for you and why she is trying so hard to make you happy."

"You know something. Something that Lena is keeping from me."

"I do, but she is the one that needs to tell you." Alex said as she headed in to the med-bay to check over Lena.

"How is she doing?" Kara asked joining Alex.

"She had alcohol poisoning. Her not eating and then downing this much alcohol made her sick. They pumped her stomach and we have in IV going. She's stable if you want to sit with her you can."

"Thanks." Kara said as she sat down next to Lena's bed and took her hand in hers.

"And I really mean it Kara. You need to think about things." Alex said as she put down Lena's chart.

"I will."

"I'll be downstairs if you need me. Brainy wants to go over some things."

"Okay."

Alex left Kara and one of the nurses in the med-bay, the nurse was going to keep a good eye on Lena in case anything was to happen. Kara took what Alex said to heart and really thought about Lena and every interaction that she had with her, from the moment she met her to now. Kara realized that Lena had always done what was in her best interest even if it put her in danger. Kara thought about how much Lena had done for her, how much she had risked and how much she was willing to give in order to make her happy. And that's what Lena did she always did what was best for her not thinking about herself. Lena flirted with her, especially before she had started to date Mon-El. Then at the Christmas party, when Lena had looked at her, she remembered that she saw something that she thought she at the time only saw in Mon-El. Love. Lena loved her. Rao, how had she not seen it before? She thought about the moment she met Lena till now all over, but with a new look at things. Lena had bought CatCo for her. She had created the serum for Mon-El. Lena had done everything in her power to make sure that Sam/Reign was held at bay and unable to harm her; she made sure to tell Kara everything about what she knew about the Harun-El when they used it to defeat Reign. How could she have ever think that Lena wasn't to be believed or trusted? When had she lost faith in the one person who believed and trusted her more than anyone? Someone who loved her enough to put her before them? Mon-El never really loved her like that, not until he was hundreds of years in the future and being the hero, she knew he was. She had still loved him but looking back it was always a struggle with him. It wasn't with Lena.

Kara loved Lena, she did. But she had put it aside when she had started to date Mon-El thinking that he would be able to help her and be the hero like she was. She had fallen for him and his lies. And now she knew that she had pushed away the one person who really truly loved her more than they loved themselves. Lena had loved her from the moment they had met. She knew that she was Supergirl, she had to know. Lena was one of the smartest people in the world, of course she knew. And she didn't hate her, she didn't stop seeing her, she had continued to let her lie to her. When Lena and James broke up, Kara had been told by James that it was because she was nothing but a Luthor, but she wasn't just a Luthor. Kara knew that or at least she had. She had believed and trusted her before anyone else of Team Supergirl, but she had been the first to stop. And that upset her.

Lena mumbled in her sleep, pulling Kara's attention to her. She mumbled, 'Kara' and it broke Kara's heart to hear the pain in her voice. She had caused that. And she hated that she didn't realize soon what she had been doing and just how much Lena had loved her. "It's okay Lena. You're safe. I'm here." Kara whispered softly and then kissed Lena's hand and then her forehead. "You're safe. I'm here. And I love you." Kara kissed her forehead one more time before laying her head next to her and Lena's entwined hands. Kara fell in to an unrestful sleep. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep properly till she and Lena talked.

It was several hours later when Lena awoke to a beeping noise, she felt that she was in a bed and someone was holding her hand, which startled her. The last thing that she remembered was being at CatCo, holding a glass of whiskey and crying. Her eyes shot open to find that she was at the DEO and when she looked down at her hand she found, Kara. Kara was asleep, but it didn't seem peaceful. She mumbled in her sleep and squeezed her hand.

"Kara." Lena said softly giving Kara's hand a squeeze back. "Kara."

"Lena?" Kara whispered back as she slowly became aware that Lena was awake. "Lena!" Kara said as she sat up straight.

"Hey. What am I doing here?"

"I found you last night. Your heartbeat was uneven. I brought you here. They had to pump your stomach. How are you feeling?"

"Why did they have to pump my stomach?"

"You had alcohol poisoning and it was making you sick."

"I haven't had that since high school."

"Well you haven't been eating lately, so the no food and a bunch of alcohol was a bad idea."

"Well thank you Supergirl." Lena said she had noticed that Kara was in her Supergirl outfit and decided to not let Kara know that she was Supergirl.

"I know that you know Lena. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you personally or earlier. I was afraid. I thought that you'd believe that I didn't trust you and that you were just another Luthor. But you mean so much more than that. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." Kara stated.

"It wasn't my secret to tell. I'm glad you told me."

"I've wanted to tell you for a while now, but your mother's words kept running through my head."

"My mother knew?"

"She told me she knew when you were kidnapped and on Rhea's ship with Mon-El. I needed help getting to you guys and she offered to help."

"And then she left you there."

"Yes."

"What did she say I would do?"

"That you'd never forgive me. That you'd hate me for not telling you. That you'd date me just like they hate me."

"I could never hate you Kara."

"I know that now."

"How? How do you know?"

"Because when you were unconscious I thought about you and I; about all that we've been through, about everything you've done for me, and about the way that you and I have pushed our feelings away in order to make the other happy."

"Are you saying what I think you are?"

"Yes I am. I knew a long time ago that you meant more to me than I let on. I thought that you'd never feel that way toward me and then Mon-El seemed to change and I thought that I could be happy with him and I was, but there was always something that didn't feel right. And now thinking about it…it was because I was in love with you the whole time. I know that I have a lot to make up for and I want to…no I need to. You mean everything to me Lena. I love you so much. I can't lose you."

"I love you too. You know James and I broke up for two reasons…one, he thought that I couldn't be trusted after the press gave him such a hard time about loving a Luthor and two, he knew that I would never fully love him the way that I love you."

"I love you." Kara said as she leaned toward Lena and rested her forehead on hers.

"I love you too." Lena said back as she closed her eyes. She had dreamed of this moment, of a time where Kara felt the same way as she did, of a time when she just wanted to feel her kiss against her lips. And here that moment was. Kara gently pressed a soft kiss to Lena's lips.

"Sorry to interrupt, but there is an apartment complex on fire off Jordan and Thomas." Alex said as she from the doorway. Kara looked up at Alex and sighed.

"Go Supergirl. I'll be here when you're done." Lena said pushing Kara toward the door.

"I love you." Kara whispered before kissing Lena again and then stood to leave.

"I love you too. Now go. Up, up, and away." Kara headed for the balcony, only to get a squeeze on her shoulder from her sister before she left the med-bay.

"I'll look after her." Alex said.

"Thanks." Kara said and then she was gone.

"You and I need to talk." Alex said as she turned to Lena.

"Okay." Lena said softly she was a little worried about what Alex wanted to talk about.

"It's not about you and Kara." Alex said as she sat down on the bed next to Lena.

"Okay."

"It's about you and the rabbit holes you go down."

"Alex."

"Stop. I need to say this." Alex said stopping Lena from continuing as she pulled Lena against her side. "I have watched you for a whole month as you stopped sleeping and eating and started drinking. You went really far down the hole this time Lena and I was worried that you weren't coming out of it. I know that you're not going to like this, but I talked with Sam and she almost came back her to help me. Lena, you mean a lot to me and to Kara. And I know that it was dark for quite a while in there, but you can trust me and lean on me. I have been there for Kara and I'll be here for you. Kara loves you, as you know, but she isn't the only one anymore. You have a family here. Do you understand?"

"I do. I…I haven't had this before Alex. People that I can trust and lean on. You know that life that I lived with them."

"I do, but they aren't here, we are."

"Thank you."

"What is family for?"

That's when Lena understood, she did have family. She had a new reliable, trusting, caring, and loving family with the Danvers. Kara loved her and she had hope that life would get better. She had never had that before…hope. Living with the Luthor's didn't bring her hope, it brought her loss and pain. The past couple of years she had seen hope but didn't have it. And now with Alex and Kara with her she finally had it. Hope that life would get better, that she would finally feel cared about and loved, that she would always have them. And she did.


End file.
